


13 reasons why Harry Potter killed himself

by vkookxharleenquinn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Bullying, Child Abuse, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by 13 Reasons Why (TV), Other, Rape, Sad Ending, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vkookxharleenquinn/pseuds/vkookxharleenquinn
Summary: "It's me. Harry Potter"basically 13 reasons why Harry Potter style





	1. Paper 1 Part A

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Short chapters and obviously trigger warning

Sirius Black just layed in bed, not moving. His godson had commited suicide nearly two weeks ago and he didn't even know why! He left nothing behind. 

The dark haired man was just starting to tear up when he heard a knock on the front door. Groaning Sirius slowly got out of bed and down the stairs. It seemed like forever when he finally reached the front door. But what he discovered, when he opened it, was surprising. It was a box. A simple brown box. 

Not wanting to stand outside any longer, Sirius picked the box up and went back inside. Now curious, he went into his living room and sat down on the couch. Pulling his wand out, he pointed it at the box and silently whispered a spell, so that it would open.

Inside it were 7 pieces of paper. Or more like parchment. On each side of a single paper was written a number in black ink. 13 numbers together. Of course Sirius knew what these were. They were "Tellpapers". You just had to point your wand at it and say "tell me" and the paper will start to speak, what the person who sent it recorded. 

Now the man had to think. There was no sender written on the box. Maybe it was a trap? Or perhaps... it was from Harry? But there was only one way to find out; he had to listen to them.

So with that, he pointed his wand at the number "1" and said "tell me" and the paper began to talk.

_"Hello, dear listener. It's me, Harry Potter"._

Sirius heart felt like it stopped beating.

 

_"You heard right. I'm the_ _boy who killed himself. Or I was? I don't know how that works. But anyways. You might think, 'why did I get the tellpaper? what does that dead person want from me?'. I tell you what I want. What the purpose of these letters is.  
_

_In these letters, I'll explain why I killed myself. And if you got these letters, then you are one of the reasons."_

Sirius stopped breathing. Did that mean he was a reason too? But he didn't do anything! Why would he purposely hurt his godson?!

_"I'll explain the rules. Firstly, you have to **listen**. And listen carefully! Secondly, you **have to** send these letters to the next person on the list. If you don't, the whatever you did to me will get public and it may ruin your life. I made sure of that. So... shall we start?"_

_" **Ronald Weasley**. The first on my list, sorry mate. Oh wait, we aren't mates anymore, right? Because of you. Or was it because of me?_

_I remember the day. Of course I remember it, because you don't forget being left behind by the person you trusted the most that easily.  
_

_It was the evening the champions for the tri wizard tournamnet were chosen. I thought, that year would be calm and normal. I really wished it would have been. But no, thanks to Barty Jr. it had to be another awful year. After I got chosen as the fouth champion and I could **finally** go back to my dorm, you wanted to talk to me. You waited on my bed.  
_

_'We need to talk', you said the minute I got into the room. 'Ok'. Then talk', was my answer._

_'Why did you do it', you said with that angry, accusing glare. 'What do you mean, Ron?'. 'Oh don't play stupid, Harry. Why did you put your name in the goblet of fire? Wasn't your current fame enough?!'_

_How I could have laughed at that. Do you **honestly** believe I would be that stupid to put my name into the GOBLET OF FIRE; RON?!_

_So, we argued. We argued for a solid 10 minutes, before you decided I was only lying and said this:_

**_'I can't believe I was friends with you. i thought I would get famous too, but turns out I was only waisting my time on a liar.'_ **

_Congratulation Ronald. You are one of the reasons why someone died. I hope you will never forget that."_

There was a long silence and Sirius imagined every possible way, in which he could make Ron's life a living hell.

_"...turn the paper for the second reason."_


	2. Paper 1 Part B

Sirius sat there, dumbfounded. He coulnd't believe that Ron would use him to get fame. How could he be such a coldhearted person?! But...if Sirus was one of the reasons, he had to be a horrible person too. Even more perhaps, because he didn't know what he did wrong. He had to find out. Even if it would destroy him, he just had to know what he did, that his precious godson would think killing himself was the only way out.

So with that, he started the second part.

" _Ron, when you are finished listening to these letters, you won't have to walk far because the girl's room is just next door._

_You probably guessed it. Hermione Granger is the next. Wow, how awful. All my used to be friends left me!_

_Hermione, I can't say it surprised me what you did. But for those, that aren't said girl, let me elaborate what she did: she left me. But why did she do that? Because of Ron._

_After Ron stopped being my friend (if he even was one), you tried to keep talking to me. It was nice, to know that you still tried and cared and maybe I wasn't so alone after all. But again, I was wrong._

_I should have seen it. You distanced yourself from me after a few weeks and started to hang out more with Ron. At first I didn't really notice, because I was so preoccupied with the first task and the fact that basically the whole school hated me._

_And one day, you just left a letter on my bed. The day was bad and your letter only made it worse. I have it here, by me. Wait a second"_

Sirius could hear noises, as if someone searched for something. Harry probably looked for the letter.

_"Ah, there it is! The only thing you wrote in it was:_

**_'I can't be your friend anymore. I'm sorry Harry, but if I want to be together with Ron, I have to stop talking to you.'_ **

_You know how much that hurt? It may not seem like a big deal, but when two people you trusted the most just leave you and turn out to be fake friends since day one, you just feel so alone._

_And that's the point. I'm not only doing this, so you would have a bad life, but also to show you, that even the little things hurt like hell._

_You know Hermione...in some way I had always admired you. How it seemed, that everything is just so easy for you. I wish I was like that._

_I admired the way you are determined that you'll get a good grade in a test, while everyone around you loses his or her shit haha._

_Eventhough I'm angry at you, I'll still miss you. Somehow."_

Sirius seriously had to process that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know: lame ending.


	3. Paper 2 Part A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A random fact: I'm writing on another computer and it's much more difficult here. And I'm listening to "die antwoord". Highly recommend.

When Sirius felt ready, he started the next letter.

 

_"Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, it's starting to get a little bit heavier. But don't worry... the action **really** starts at letter 3, so you're not that far!_

_You probably want to know who's next. 'Maybe it's me?', you may ask yourself. If you are not Blaise Zabini, then it's not your time. I dedicate this part **only to you** , dear Blaise._

_It's no secret that Blaise is one of the bullies,_   _but what he did is borderline fucked up in my opinion. But you think I'm probably a hypocrite."_

 

No Harry...it's ok to feel that way. I wish you knew that...

 

_"I was on my way back from class (I don't remember which one), when suddenly I was shoved into the girl's lavatory. And guess who shoved me. **You're right** : it was Blaise. Wow, you are  **so** clever! Note the sacrasm."_

 

He noticed how Harry's voice got bitter.

 

_"His dumb friends, Crabe and Goyle, grabbed my arms to hold me still. That's when I noticed it was you bastard who did this to me. Oh sorry, should i even cuss? Ah, whatever._

_Back to the topic. So, you slowly walked up to me like some creepy ass predator with a little bottle in your hand. And what did you do next? Do you remember it, **Blaise**?!_

_You shoved a poition down my throat that could challenge the cruico curse. And I should know that, I got hit by one"_

 

Why didn't Sirius know of that?!

 

_"You mocked me for a few minutes, saying bad things about my dead parents bla bla, all that stuff you know?_

_And in the end...you just left me. You left me to **die**  you asshole!_

_And this just showed me how fucked up everyone is. If they don't need me to save their world (because apparently they can't do it themselves), then they do whatever the want with me._

_But that's not how it works. I'm taking my future in my **own** hands."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will go deeper into Sirius' thoughts as this work comes to it's end. I try to focus more on what happend to Harry and it's difficult to fit Sirius' thoughts into this.


	4. PAPER 2 PART B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I just had writer's block and a LOT of school stress, because I will be graduating in three weeks.

Sirius turned the paper with trembling hands.

As much as he wanted to stop to just curl in bed and cry for ever, he needed to know who hurt him. But most importantly, he needed to know what he did to his godson. Even if it would break him.

 

_"Wow, that was heavy. But don't worry, this one is a bit lighter._

_So, it's you turn, **Draco Malfoy.**_

_I wish I had taken your hand on the first day and accept your friendship."_

 

Wait, Draco offered Harry his friendship?! The Black heir just now really understood how little he knew of his godson's life.

 

" _But, it seems you can't handle rejection. Because from that day on, you decided to bully me. Oh how **mature** of you._

_It started with petty things at first._

_Name calling and all that, which didn't really bother me that much. Until it got to the point where you would remind me of my parents' death and call me horrendous things every day._

_That takes it's toll on people, Draco_.

_But then, in fourth year, you decided to go heavier with the bullying. If it wasn't enough, that the whole school (except Cedric) hated me and that my so called friends left me, you just had to make it all worse._

_By persuading nearly everyone to wear these god damned batches with 'Potter stinks' on them."_

 

Sirius was nearly boiling with rage.

 

_"I know it may not seem as that big of a deal, but when you're already completely depressed and tired, it just feels like another punch into the gut."_

 

Oh how he wished he could've been there for him! Maybe then Harry would still be alive to this day...

 

_"I just ask myself, do you even care that I commit suicide, Draco? Because it would surprise me if you would."_

 

Sirius would make sure Malfoy regretted ever harming him.

 

_"Turn to Paper 3."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my phone and DAMN was that hard.


End file.
